Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
