i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
i believe in u and ur pee
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
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