At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
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