So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
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