the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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