the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
