Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
