Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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