I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize