I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
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