He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Even my vagina gasped.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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