on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Randomize
