If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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