in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
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