She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
