the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Drake has all the answers
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
