That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
