well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
