i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
