I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Come see our sink grown plant.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
