the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
