Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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