My nipple is on Facebook.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize