'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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