at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Randomize
