Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Randomize