Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
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