Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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