you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
it's like heaven, but drunker
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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