I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
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