Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
