brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
Randomize
