As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
two words: eviction party
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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