I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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