you're like a bully in the Christmas story
i can't believe i had my finger in that
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
