I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Randomize
