ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
