I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Randomize
