2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Randomize
