He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
