She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Randomize
