where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Randomize
