its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
