Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Randomize
