Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
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