He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
