Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Randomize
