That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
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