just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
