You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
