dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I smell stomach acid.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
i think im in europe. pls send help
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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