What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize