I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Randomize
