I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
