my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
