She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
