I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
