just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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