I'm jealous of your bromance
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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