Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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