Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
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