Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
So vagazzling was a success
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
