What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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