i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
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