I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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