At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I'm passing your future prison.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Just invented taco cereal.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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