I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
